This ‘ole house
Elias The Caretaker review
Production company – Voyage Media
Rating – 
This week I will be casting a critical eye over the rather spookily titled Elias The Caretaker. Reading the blurb (I never listen to trailers) it sounded interesting, although it reminded me of another show, which I will go into later.
You will have noticed my rating before you even read this paragraph, so a sentence posing the question of whether I liked it is rather irrelevant isn’t it? This review will, however, clarify my decision.
So what’s it about?
Estranged from his parents for decades, podcaster Bob Anderson is surprised to receive a phone call from the titular Elias. He works for Bob’s parents and informs him that they have both died tragically, and left him their home. The home in question is a sprawling gothic mansion that is currently being used as a hospice.
Elias is a strange man, he keeps many secrets, and frustrates Bob seemingly at every turn. Bob has plans to sell the house, but Elias talks him into keeping it as-is for a little while at least. The house comes with its own warnings though. Elias reluctantly tells Bob about the resident ghosts, some of which are rather “assertive”. At first sceptical, Bob soon learns the terrifying reality of the situation.
From there, we are drawn into a murder mystery with heavy supernatural overtones. Just what did happen to Bob’s parents? Who is Elias really?
Is it any good?
The blurb for this podcast described it as “The Conjuring and Paranormal Activity for your ears”. I’d have to agree with that, but only because (like those two films) it’s not scary in the slightest.
The acting is mediocre. Actually, that’s not very fair. The acting is pretty good, up to the point that the more emotionally charged events occur. Then the actor playing Bob seems incapable of showing any convincing fear. In fact, he’s pretty flat all the way through. I get that he’s the sceptic, but as events unfold (pretty early on), his lack of ability really pulls you out of an otherwise terrifying situation.
The voice of the main antagonist, when revealed, is also not very convincing. There must be some other way to convey the character without using tired tropes.
At the finale there was one cliche that they hadn’t visited. It was one that I had guessed from the first episode, but it was nowhere to be found. I had one glimmer of hope and then BAM! There it was. My horror trope bingo card was complete.
Final thoughts
I had seen mixed comments on this show online, and I have to agree with the negative ones. As you know, I will score a podcast with a good story and bad acting (due to budget or experience) higher than the opposite. Unfortunately, what we have here is a predictable story, with subpar acting.
If you really have a haunted house itch to scratch then I would recommend the first series of 13 Days Of Halloween, with the brilliant Keegan Michael Key as the caretaker. It reminds me a lot of this show, but is far better. I would also recommend In Another Room for some genuinely scary haunted house capers.
You can get Elias The Caretaker here:
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